Jay blew out a breath and headed to his dorm, driving slowly.  It had been a long day and he just wanted to crash.  Yeah, that sounded great.  Just sleep the night away.  And maybe the day too.  He pulled the jeep into the drive and---then stooped.  Who the hell's here? he wondered.  He didn't recognize the car.  Something was up.  He turned the ignition off and got out of the car, pulling his gun out and heading for the house, unlocking the safety.  He had no idea who was at his apartment and he wasn't taking any chances.  For all he knew, someone from the past had found him. 

Shoving the thought aside, he tried the doorknob, scowling even more when it turned easily.  This could be a trap, he thought to himself.  Should he call it in?  No, figure out who it was first and then call it in if it was needed.  He still had a lot to prove to everyone else and the last thing he wanted to do was call the rest of the team here and have it turn out to be nothing.  I'd never live something like that down, he thought to himself.  Yes, it would be all in good fun, but why give them all more ammunition?  He then opened the door, gun drawn and---let out an annoyed sigh.
"Damn it, Will!  What the hell!?" he exclaimed, putting the safety back on his gun.  "I was ready to shoot you."

When Jay burst through the door with his gun drawn Will laughed and shoved a spoonful of cereal in his mouth before replying to Jay mumbling, "Damn Jay... put the gun away, I'm just trying to eat some dinner here. With milk I had to buy myself I might add, because all you had in the refrigerator was some of that nasty almond milk that you claim is good for you. We need to have a serious discussion about what does and does not count as real food, there was nothing to eat in here."

He smirked, "I'm hurt anyway... no hey big brother long time no see...glad to see you, when did you get in town? So I'll answer the questions that you were obviously too overcome with emotion to ask anyway. Good to see you too Jay, it's been way too long. Just got into town today, got my orders about a week ago and I figured I'd surprise you... but the surprise was on me, all I found was an empty apartment with absolutely nothing to eat or drink... and a pair of women's underwear on the floor of your bedroom... By the looks of them she must be a hot little number. Damn how'd my baby brother get that lucky? I might have to get you to introduce me to some of the women in town since you've apparently turned into such a ladies man."

Will grinned at his brother, he was beyond proud of the man Jay had become and wished he knew how to tell him that. He had never really figured out how to talk to Jay again after he insisted on pushing him and everyone else away. Will had long since forgiven him for choosing not to talk to him, but it still stung. He had hoped that by agreeing to come here they could work on mending their relationship and rebuilding their brotherly bond. "So, since I'm stationed here now too... how do you feel about being room mates? At least until I can find an apartment off base."

Jay scowled as Will told him to put the gun down as he was just trying to eat dinner with milk that he had bought as there was only Almond milk in the refrigerator, adding that they needed to have a serious talk about what constituted as real food as the fridge had been bare.
"Yeah because regular milk gives me cramps or diarrhea," he reminded. "I've found that almond milk's gentler on my stomach," he stated. "And I know I need to go grocery shopping. Just haven't had the time." Not that he was going to say why, but at least this way Will knew that he wasn't deliberately trying to starve himself.

He then rolled his eyes as his older brother went on to mock his lack of a reaction, telling him that he had just gotten to town, having received orders a week prior and had come there looking to surprise him, but that the surprise was on him given the fact that Jay hadn't been there.
"How'd you even get in?" he asked. He didn't leave a spare key under the mat or anything like that and he always locked the door. When he went on to mention a pair of underwear that had belonged to Chloe, saying that he'd have to have him introduce him tot he woman around town as he hadn't realized he had turned into such a ladies man, he scowled. "What the hell were you doing in my room?" he demanded. "Who I'm involved with is none of your damn business," he told him, his eyes flashing angrily. "Besides, we broke up." And it was better that way. Chloe---Lieutenant Nunn---wouldn't get into trouble because of him. Then he sighed. "Sorry. Rough day."

He then sighed again as he asked how he felt about him being a temporary roommate until he found an apartment as he had been stationed there.
"Sure. You're here. Why not?" he asked, giving him a soft smile to let him know that it was okay. Was he pissed off and annoyed that he had broken into his house and snooped around? Absolutely. But he was his brother and he loved him.

Will shoveled another spoonful of cereal into his mouth and nodded when Jay reminded him that he was lactose intolerant, "Yeah, well I am going to the grocery store first thing in the morning since I was forced to eat breakfast for dinner... so if there's anything in particular that you want, either write it down or get up and go with me."

He shrugged when Jay asked him how he had gotten in, "I can't give away all my secrets or you'll be wanting me to teach you how to pick that lock on your door. I really had to go to the bathroom when I got here, didn't really have to time to sit in my vehicle and wait for you to show up... and I didn't figure the neighbors would want a show, so I let myself in. Speaking of neighbors you do have one very nosey neighbor that threatened to call the police on me though, but I finally convinced him I was your brother."

Will smiled and shrugged again when Jay asked him what he was doing in his room, "Would you believe that I was looking for the bathroom? I was also looking for somewhere to put my bags. Hey easy tiger, I didn't ask who she was... and I hate to hear that the two of you broke up, because if you're this touchy about her she must have been special. Just remember the special ones don't come around very often and if there wasn't a really good reason for the two of you to end it... you should probably talk to her man." Will knew Jay didn't need his advice, but he had stupidly let a few special women get away that he still regretted to this day. If he could prevent his brother from making the same mistakes he should at least try.

When Jay apologized Will shook his head, "I should be the one apologizing, maybe I didn't think this whole surprise thing out very well... and everyone has rough days. Speaking of which, it's my first day at the local hospital tomorrow... you know anything about the place?"

Will smiled and laughed when Jay agreed to be room mates for the time being, "You know we could always get us an apartment off base... I hear there are some pretty nice ones in town, and bigger than what you have here... less nosey neighbors too."

Jay nodded as Will said that he was planning on going to the store in the morning and that if he wanted anything to write it down or get up and go with him in the morning.
"Will do," he said and then rolled his eyes as his brother said that he couldn't reveal all of his secrets because he'd then want him to teach him how to pick locks, explaining that he had needed to use the facilities when he had arrived, that he didn't want to give his neighbors a show, and that he had a nosy neighbor who had threatened to call the cops on him but that he had finally convinced the guy that he was his brother. "We watch out for each other," he responded. But then again, why hadn't the guy called him to make sure? Well, Will did have a way of sweet-talking people at times, and he had probably used that to his advantage.

He then quirked a brow at his brother who asked him if he'd believe that he had been looking for the bathroom as well as a place to put his stuff, hastening to assure him that he hadn't asked who she was, adding that it was too bad that they had broken up and that if he was that touchy about her, it meant that she had probably been pretty special and that the special ones didn't come around often and that there had better have been a good reason for the break up.
"I don't buy you were looking for the bathroom cause it's pretty easy to find, but I'll accept it," he said. "And yeah, there was a good reason," he responded. Not that he was going to tell him as it was none of his business. Besides, it wouldn't just affect him but Lieutenant Nunn as well.

When he said that he should be apologizing as he hadn't thought things through, the younger man shook his head.
"It's fine. You're welcome here. Always," he assured. "Things have just been hectic and crazy and I haven't been getting a lot of sleep because of it," he added. Which is why I just want to crash, he thought to himself. At the suggestion that they could always get an apartment off base, saying that there were some nice ones in town that were bigger and didn't have as many nosy neighbors, he nodded. "Maybe in the future. Right now, it's better that I stay put. I, uh---was part of a convey that was ambushed and I haven't been dealing with it too well, so I'm seeing someone for that," he admitted.

He then sighed and went to sit in one of the chairs.
"Just so you're not blindsided if you ever go back home, Rodiger's out," he told him. "I found out a while back, and I wasn't sure if you knew," he told him. And I'm not taking it well, he thought to himself. Not that his older brother needed to know this. He just didn't want him making a trip home and then finding it out from someone else.

“Before you go yelling at your neighbor just remember that I can be very convincing, and I still had to do everything but produce my birth certificate to convince him… It wasn’t until I asked him if I could use his bathroom since he wasn’t going to let me in your apartment that he finally agreed to let me in.” He shrugged, “Guess I should have called first.”

Will chuckled when Jay quirked his brow at him, “I’m glad you’ll accept it because it’s mostly the truth. I happened to stumble on your room when searching for the bathroom and somewhere to put my things, and for the record I was never IN your room you can see those bright pink panties from the hallway so if you were planning on keeping her a secret… you need to work on your subterfuge a little more.”

Will frowned for a moment when Jay said that there had been a good reason for their break up, he knew he was about to make his brother angry but he felt the need to say it anyway. “You don’t have to answer this and I’m pretty sure I’m gonna piss you off when I ask, but I want you to think about it and trust me I’m asking in your best interest. Was it your good reason or hers? Because I know you Jay… you have a habit of pushing people who care about you away when they get too close, and if that’s what it is… Well I hate to see you hurting yourself and anyone else by shutting them out.” Will playfully held up a sofa pillow and hid behind it figuring that at least if Jay threw anything at him he could block it.

“Well if I’m still welcome here after that I guess I better stay, I’d promise to stay out of things… but you know me better than that.” When Jay went on to say things had been hectic and crazy with little sleep Will Sighed he’d seen all of this before and he was scared of losing his brother again. “Bro… you need to go ahead and just crash. We can talk in the morning as long as you don’t run off. I have to go in to work tomorrow afternoon to meet the nurses and the other doctors, but other than that I’m available all day.” When Jay brought up seeing a therapist because of an ambush Will nodded. He was happy that his brother was getting the help he needed and didn’t harbor any of the resentment he had when he was younger. When they were younger and Jay refused to talk to him it had hurt and made Will mad, at that point in life he couldn’t understand how it was so much easier for Jay to confide in a total stranger than his own brother. “That’s good Man, I’m happy for you… glad you’re getting help, just remember that I’m always here too if there’s ever anything you want to talk about but I won’t pressure you like I did before… I get it now.”

Will watched when Jay sighed and sat in a chair and started talking about going back home, “I don’t think I’ll be going to see Pops anytime soon… Wait… what did you just day? How does he… How could they… It makes no sense man. Total justice system fail, and they wonder why people take things into their own hands. It’s probably a good thing I don’t go back home because if I ran into that monster there’s no telling what I’d do.” Will was pissed, that man had taken his brother from him for the longest time and what he’d done… there was no excuse or forgiveness for. If he was taking it this hard he knew his brother must really be struggling with it. “How are you handling all of that… I’m sure it’s a lot to process. Have you talked to anyone about it?”

Jay nodded and then snickered as Will said that before he went off on the neighbor to remember how convincing he could be, adding that he practically had to show the guy his birth certificate and that he only let him into his apartment when he had asked to use the neighbor's restroom.
"Yeah, I can see you doing that," he stated. He's an idiot sometimes, he thought to himself. But he loved him all the same. When he said that he should've called first, the other man shrugged. "Ehh...maybe. But still would've let you come," he assured, smiling at him. "Sorry. Didn't mean to make you feel unwelcome. Seriously, I'm glad to see you," he assured as he went to put his gun back in its lock box.

When Will insisted that he had stumbled onto his room while looking for the bathroom and that he had been able to see Chloe's bright pink panties from the hall and that if he was planning on keeping her a secret he had to work on his subterfuge, he flushed slightly. Damn it. Had no idea I still had those here. How am I going to ask her to take them back? he wondered. It wasn't like he could call her up and ask her to come get them or deliver them back to her without making anyone suspicious.
"Well, like I said, it ended," he responded. He had been an idiot to think that it would work between them. She was a higher grade than him and if they had been caught, they both would've been in trouble, and he would never jeopardize her career like that.

His eyes clouded as his older brother pushed him, asking if the good reason had been hers or his, saying that he knew that he had a habit of pushing people away when they got too close and that if they had broken up because of that, he hated to see him hurting himself by shutting people out again.
"We weren't good together," he responded. I can't destroy her career like that, he thought to himself. He couldn't be selfish. Besides, he was still having nightmares about what had happened, both when he was a kid, and the convey, though the convey ones were fading and it wouldn't have been fair to subject her to those. He then chuckled as the older man hid behind a pillow. "Relax. Not gonna throw anything at you. You're safe," he assured him. He wasn't a ten-year old anymore.

He threw off these thoughts and smiled as the other man said that if he was still welcome, he had better stay and that he'd promise to stay out of things but that he knew him better than that.
"Yeah, sadly I do," he quipped. Didn't mean that he'd answer any of his questions though. He wasn't much for talking about his personal life, even with his brother. There were just some things, a guy had to keep to himself. He then shook his head as the other man urged him to go to bed as long as he promised not to run off, saying that he was available all of the next day except when he had to go meet his coworkers. "No, it's all good. We can still talk," he assured. Jay then nodded as Will said that he was glad that he was getting help and that he was there if ever wanted to talking about anything, assuring him that he wouldn't press things like he had when they were younger, saying he understood it better. "Back then...I had a lot of things I was working through," he admitted with a sigh. "Anger, fear....shame," he continued with another sigh. "There was a part of me that thought I should've known better, should've realized..." he trailed off, unsure of how to explain it.

He was silent as the other man started talking about going back home and then demanded to know how they could let him out, saying that the justice system had failed and it was no wonder that some people took matters into their own hands, saying that it was a good thing that he hadn't gone home because there was no telling what he'd do if he ever ran into him.
"It's not actually all that uncommon," he reminded him. "And according to the courts---and Detective McNamera---he got released on good behavior," he continued. No need to admit that the news had sent him into a damn frenzy and the nightmares had come back. He was dealing with that. Ashley was helping him through all that. There was no need to bother Will with it. At the question of how he was handling it and if he was talking with anyone about it, he nodded. "Yeah, I meet with Major Kellerman. She's been helping me deal with that and the memories of the ambush," he replied.

Will quirked a brow when Jay said that it had ended and that he and the mystery woman just weren’t good together, “Not entirely sure I believe that Jay… but to avoid the risk of having things thrown at me... I’ll take it for now. Not really any of my business anyway.” He shrugged, wishing that his brother would be able to find the happiness that he deserved. Jay had been through more than any one man should ever have to deal with. Hearing Jay chuckle he smiled and lowered the pillow slowly.

Hearing Jay chuckle made Will smile it was a sound he didn’t hear often enough as he sat the pillow down next to him, “You always were one for throwing things, and I just had to make sure I hadn’t pushed things too far, we both know I’m good at meddling and you’re even better at avoiding questions.”
Will leaned back into the sofa and smiled when Jay said he was up for talking and nodded in understanding when Jay admitted to having a lot of things to work through back then, and sighed when Jay mentioned that he’d been angry, scared, and ashamed. When he went on to say that part of him thought he should have known better and should have realized Will shook his head. “I should have seen all of this back then and been a better brother, I spent so much time upset that you wouldn’t talk to me and didn’t realize what all you were dealing with. I was so angry that those things had happened to you, angry at myself that I hadn’t been able to protect you. I was too angry at the world and wrapped up in what I was feeling to help you, and I’m sorry.”

Will shook his head angrily when Jay said it wasn’t all that uncommon, “All that good behavior that he had doesn’t erase what he’s done and what he’ll be free to do again anytime he so chooses… it should be uncommon, seriously do they not consider all the people they’re putting in danger by turning the man loose again? They can’t do this… there has to be something that can be done to stop it.” He felt himself getting worked up so he stood and walked to the kitchen to grab himself a bottle of water. Using the time to gather his thoughts and calm down.

When he heard Jay say that he was meeting with a Major Kellerman and she was helping him deal with things he smiled, “That’s great man… glad you’re talking to someone, just don’t forget that your friends and family are here for you too.”

Jay acknowledged Will's comment that he didn't buy his statement that he and Chloe weren't good for each other but that he'd accept it to avoid the risk of having something thrown at him, saying it was none of his business anyway.
"What? Is my older brother actually agreeing with me?" Jay teased, grinning. Forgot how much fun it is to needle him, he thought to himself as Will lowered the pillow he was holding. It felt good to be joking with him again as it was something that he hadn't done in quite awhile.

He then nodded as his older brother stated that he had always had a penchant for throwing things, that he had to make sure he hadn't gone too far cause he tended to meddle, and that the younger boy was good at dodging questions.
"I'm working on that," he promised. He wasn't deliberately trying to hide things from his brother. At least...not anymore. Back then, absolutely. He had been sure that if he ever found out what was going on, Will would hate him for being so weak.

The Army officer sighed a bit sadly as his older brother commented that he should've been a better brother and seen everything that was going on, admitting that he had spent so much time being upset that he wouldn't talk to him, that he was being hurt, that he hadn't protected him, and that he had been too wrapped up in his own feelings to be of any help, and apologizing for it.
"I didn't want you to know. I hid it. He locked on to me, twisted things...it took Madeline years to get me to see that what happened wasn't my fault," he said. And that had taken some doing. Hell, even now, there was a part of him that still wondered...which was what he and Ashley were working on.

He then fell silent as his older brother spat out that all of Rodiger's good behavior didn't excuse what he had done to Jay or what he was free to do to other kids.
"Preachin' to the choir on that one," he commented. And yes, his brother was just basically reiterating everything that he was thinking and feeling, especially when he went on to mention all the other kids that Rodiger could hurt, asking if there was something they could do. "Detective McNamera's watching him. We're going to have to let him deal with it. He's good, Will. He's the one who got the ball rolling when I first came clean," he assured. Okay, so there was still a part of him that was scared to death of the man. Not that he was going to tell him this as the fear was a moot point given the fact that they were thousands of miles apart. And he was quite okay with that, thank you very much.

He fell silent again and waited as Will went into the kitchen, probably to compose himself. He wasn't sure. Or maybe he can't look at you anymore, a small part of him whispered mockingly. He gave himself a mental shake. Nope. Not falling into that thought process again. He knew Will didn't think any less of him for what had happened. After a few moments, his eyes flickered as his older brother told him that it was great that he was talking to someone and that he was glad about it, adding that he shouldn't forget that he had friends and family who would be there for him as well.
"I know," he assured. If he had been younger, he would've rebuffed Will's reaching out, not wanting to talk or draw attention to himself. But this was different. "I did threaten to tell once," he confessed. "It, uh---" he swallowed, trying to figure out how to explain things. "it didn't end well." Yeah, that worked.

Will shook his head, “I never agreed with you per se… just my way of nicely dropping the subject… for now.” Seeing his brother grin was nice, there had been a time when he hadn’t seen it very often. Joking with him was even better, things had been tense between the two of them for awhile and Will was thankful that they were starting to work past that.

Will picked up the pillow again as he laughed trying to lighten the mood a bit when Jay mentioned that he was working on answering questions, “working on answering questions but still won’t tell me about the mystery woman who obviously has you tied up in knots… please tell me I don’t have to kick your ass for being an idiot… I just got to town and I’m not sure I’m up to it yet.” He was trying to get Jay to laugh because there were still a few subjects that were touchy and best to avoid, he didn’t want to go dragging up any memories making things worse for his brother.

Great for trying to avoid subjects Will had jumped into one feet first and now there was no avoiding it, Will sighed and nodded sadly when Jay mentioned Madeline. “You know I was so messed up back then that I couldn’t understand how you would rather talk to a stranger than your own family… maybe I should have been seeing her too… Then when I finally started to understand… it was too late, you were gone… and Mom was sick, and well Pops… was… well I could never do anything right for him, still can’t. I’m glad we’re getting a chance to talk now though… hate to think I’d messed things up beyond repair. Just want you to know I’m proud of you Man and I always have been, I know I never said it back then when I should have… but there was never a time that I wasn’t proud to call you my brother.”

He nodded as Jay went on about Detective McNamera, he remembered the man and had never been very impressed by him but that probably had a lot to do with the fact that whenever the man had been around it was in the middle of a whirlwind of some kind of chaos. “If you trust him then so do I, did you let Pops know he was out? Ahhh man this is just so backwards, there was no doubt that the man was guilty as hell and they think it’s a good idea to turn him loose.”

When he returned from the kitchen Will felt a little more composed, until Jay mentioned that he had threatened to tell once and that it hadn’t ended well. “Son of a… that’s the night you came home bleeding isn’t it? I should have known Jay… How did I not know? That whole night was so messed up.”  That was the understatement of the year.

Jay's grin grew as Will said that he wasn't agreeing with him per se, just agreeing to drop the subject for the time being.
"I'll take it," he responded. Glad he's not pushing this, he thought to himself. He wasn't really ready to talk about Chloe to be honest. Because you know the break up was a bad idea, a small part of him whispered. Then, he pushed the thought away. Maybe it had been a bad idea, but it was the right thing to do. He loved her, and he wasn't going to jeopardize her career. That wasn't what love did. Love protected, and that's what he was doing: protecting her.

He then rolled his eyes and grinned as his brother laughed and noted that he had stated that he was working on answering questions, but still wouldn't talk about Chloe when it was obvious that she had him tied up in knots, asking him to tell him that he hadn't done something stupid as it would mean that he would have to kick his ass and he wasn't sure he was up for that.
"No, I didn't do anything stupid," he responded. Yes you did, another part of him responded, but he pushed that part of him away. It had been necessary. If they had gotten caught, it would've cost them their careers and he would never do that to her.

His eyes flickered as Will went on to say that he had been so messed up back then and couldn't understand how he could talk to a stranger and not them, that he probably should've talked to the therapist as well, and that by the time he had understood the reasoning, it had been too late with Jay gone, their mother sick, and their father being their father, commenting that he couldn't do anything right for him.
"Dad...Honestly, I think something broke in him when Mom got sick," he responded. "I mean, he's a doctor and he had to watch the love of his life waste away. That couldn't have been easy."

When the older man continued, saying that he was glad that they were getting a chance to repair the relationship that had been strained, admitting that he had been afraid that he had messed things up too badly, and that he was proud of him and always had been, he nodded.
"Me too," he smiled. "And as for not talking to you back then...I couldn't. I was...too ashamed," he admitted. "It's...hard to explain. I know now that I didn't..." he trailed off, his eyes flickering a bit He then nodded as his brother said that he'd trust the detective if he did, wondering if he had told their father the man was out, adding that Rodiger had been guilty as hell and they thought it was a good idea to let him. "I know...it sucks. And yeah, I let him know. I...had no idea where you were. Never meant to keep it from you."

Jay was silent as Will raged a bit, mentioning the night he had come home bleeding, saying that he should've known, asking how he hadn't, saying that the whole night had been messed up.
"Yeah it was," he agreed with a sigh. "But the reason why didn't see is because I didn't want you to. It was something I was hiding," he reminded. "I was scared," he confessed softly.

Will laughed, “That ‘I didn’t do anything stupid’ didn’t sound too convincing… maybe one day you’ll tell me what happened, but until then I’ll have to settle for trying to figure it out on my own.” Will was going to do some fishing because if he found out that this girl had hurt his brother he could very well make her life miserable. Jay still loved her he could tell… and in his way of thinking if his brother still loved her this much she must have been the one that put an end to things.

Wills eyes flashed with anger as he heard his brother defending their father, “Don’t… just don’t do that Jay, Don’t make excuses for him. I busted my ass… trying to make that man proud of me, and do you think I’ve ever heard those words come out of his mouth… even once? I know it couldn’t have been easy watching her… hell it wasn’t easy watching her, I was there… who do you think took care of her? Because it sure wasn’t him most of the time.” Taking a few breaths to calm himself he sighed, “I… uhm I’m sorry Jay I shouldn’t have snapped at you, I guess Dad and I will never have the relationship that the two of you share, and that’s not your fault… and I’m finally at a point in my life where I’m mostly ok with that.”

It felt great the be hanging out with his brother again, Will couldn’t help but feel like that part of his childhood had been taken from him. The boys were close in age, they were supposed to have grown up together and been inseparable. Telling each other everything, joking, carrying on, and even fighting. They’d missed out on that, and Will knew that their relationship had been strained… he also understood that it was as much his fault as it was Jay’s. If only he hadn’t been such a demanding idiot and had let Jay deal with things the way he needed to without getting offended that he didn’t seem to want to have anything to do with him, then maybe things would have been better. Will nodded when Jay went on to say that he couldn’t have talked to him then because he was too ashamed… “Jay… I can’t say that I know how you feel, but I can tell you without a doubt that you had no reason to be ashamed.”

When Jay told him that their father knew and that he hadn’t meant to keep it from him, “Yeah… I made sure that nobody knew where I was, so that’s on me. I was off doing a bit of soul searching and growing up… In a G-d forsaken desert somewhere.” He laughed, “I figured it was about time that I dealt with some of my own issues and faced the music which is why I jumped at the chance to come here with you.”

Will laughed, “I still should have seen or known something, you were better at hiding things than I gave you credit for, but not that good… I guess maybe I just didn’t want to see…” He paused, “I was scared too… scared I was losing you.”

Jay shrugged as Will noted that his comment that he hadn't done anything stupid hadn't been very convincing.
"Whatever," he muttered. Breaking up with Chloe hadn't been stupid. It had been hard, but it wasn't stupid. He could've ended her career with his boneheaded move. What had he been thinking? He hadn't been. At least not then. But now...now he was using his head. It hurt like hell, but it was for the best. Yeah. And maybe if he kept telling himself that, he'd finally believe it. Of course right now, that wasn't happening. No, right now there was a large part of him that was screaming at him to go back to her, kiss her senseless, and beg for her forgiveness. But if he did that, he ran the risk of someone finding out about their relationship and they'd both be tossed out on their asses. And while he didn't care if it happened to him, he'd never hurt Chloe like that.

He then fell silent as his older brother went off on him, telling him not to defend their father, saying that he had worked his ass off to make him proud of him and that he had been the one to stay at their mother's side and take care of her.
"I know," he said and then threw him a reassuring smile as he apologized, saying that he shouldn't have snapped at him, going on to say he and their father wouldn't ever have the type of relationship they did, which wasn't his fault, and that he was mostly okay with it. "Well...it kind of is," he said softly. Part of his therapy back then had revolved around getting him used to being touched again and not flinching because he was expecting more to happen. As a result, the two had gone closer, though they still had their share of ups and downs. "Dad and I got close because...he was helping me deal with what had happened and you got shoved aside. For that...I'm sorry," he continued. Should've made sure that he was spending enough time with Will as well, he thought to himself.

He then gave the other man a smile as he stated that while he didn't know what he had gone through, he had no reason to be ashamed.
"I know that now. But back then...back then I didn't, and I was," he responded. "Rodiger was my first introduction to sex and...well, we both know how that went down," he stated. And he still had issues with being intimate, though Chloe had----no! He couldn't go there! There was no need to be thinking of her.

When his brother said that he had been off soul-searching and growing up, saying that he had figured it was time that he had dealt with some of his own issues and face the music which was why he had jumped at the chance to come to Tierney and be with him, the younger man smiled.
"I'm glad you did," he told him. "I missed you," he admitted. He missed the closeness that they had shared and he wanted it back.

At Will's comment that he still should've seen or known something was up, saying that he was better at hiding things than he had given credit for, though not that good, adding maybe he hadn't wanted to see, Jay shook his head.
"No, man. You didn't do anything wrong. Rodiger played on my emotions, got me so twisted up that I made sure no one would be able to see. That's on him. Not you, not me. Him," he responded with a shake of his head. At his confession that he had been scared that he was losing him, his eyes flickered. "Back then, I had thought..you, Mom, and Dad...I didn't think you'd believe me. Especially Dad. I was...honestly surprised when he did."

Will shook his head, “No… it’s not… you had, have no control over Dad’s decisions… that’s all on him. He pushed me aside because he wanted to… I never did anything good enough to keep his attention for long. You’ve been through enough without piling all of his mess on top of it. He’s made his choices and I guess I’ll just learn to live with it.” Was he happy with his relationship with his father, no, but the relationship was strained due to no fault of his own and he’d spent too much time and energy in the past trying to fix it and he was simply done. The one relationship that was truly important to him was with Jay, and he hoped that they were well on their way to muddling through and finding their way back to the closeness that they had shared growing up.

Will looked at the floor when Jay talked about his first introduction to sex and chewed on the inside of his cheek, he couldn’t decide if he wanted to cry or yell. He felt guilty because around the time Jay was going through hell he had discovered girls, and a lot of them. He’d been too busy running around chasing different girls to notice much of anything going on with Jay, and he’d never forgive himself for that. “So… I don’t know what to say… Can’t imagine having to deal with all that crap… and the thought that it never truly goes away. Makes my problems with Dad seem really small in the big picture.”

There were lots of questions he wanted to ask, but he was pretty sure he didn’t want to know the answers to. “This girl… did you tell her? Did she know? I mean… did that have anything to do with why things ended? I’d hate to have to yell at a girl, but if she deserved it I’d do it for you. Of course, if she ended it over that she didn’t deserve you anyway and isn’t worth you being upset over.”

When Jay went on to say that he was glad that Will had come to Tierney he smiled, “I missed you too man… and I would have gone anywhere if it meant I got to be with you, but I’m thinking this little town might be kinda nice. Of course I haven’t met anyone yet, but it’s got a small town vibe to it.”

He nodded as Jay explained that he hadn’t done anything wrong, “I’m not sure I believe that, but I have a meeting in the morning tomorrow I should hit the hay, guest room ok? Or should I sleep on the sofa?”

Having figured out the sleeping arrangements Will went to sleep and left in the morning hoping to not wake Jay. The tour of the hospital had proven interesting, it was a small hospital but seemed to have competent providers and newer equipment. He decided he could definitely work there. As they were doing introductions he noticed several nice looking nurses who all smiled at him and carried on with him, but one nurse in particular caught his attention because she was doing all she could to flat out ignore him until she had heard his name. When they introduced him her eyes flashed up to his and then away again quickly. She’d made an excuse to leave before he had the chance to speak to her, but he made a mental note to ask Jay about her.

Arriving back at Jay’s with some grocery bags full of food and real milk as well as some almond milk for Jay he knocked on the door before walking in without waiting on an answer. Walking straight into the kitchen he set the bags on the counter and turned to face Jay. “Ok… spill it Jay. Who’s the cute blonde nurse? And why is she moping around the hospital like someone kicked her puppy? She didn’t pay me a bit of attention until she heard my last name and then you’d swear she had seen a ghost and she rushed off before I even got a chance to speak to her. Whatever happened… she’s certainly not happy about it, and you’re obviously not happy about it… so why should the both of you be miserable?” Will sighed, he knew he had said that he was going to stay out of this and he had meant to… but the look on the girl’s face and the way his brother was acting clued him in to the fact that this had been more than some fling for the both of them, and unless there was a damned good reason for it they shouldn’t have to be miserable. “Dude… the girl has it bad, what’s holding you back? Don’t be an idiot and throw away a chance at something amazing.”

Jay was silent as Will shook his head, telling him that he didn't have any control over their father's decision, saying that he was the one who had pushed him aside because he wanted to, adding that he had never done anything good enough for the man to keep his attention long, they had been through enough without adding their father issues to it, and that he'd have to live with the choices the man had made.
"But I monopolized his time. I should've made sure that he was focusing on you too," he pointed out.

When Will admitted that he didn't know what to say, adding that he couldn't imagine having to deal with that kind of crap or the thought that it would never go away, saying that it made his problems with their father seem unimportant, Jay shook his head.
"No. That's---that's not what I meant," he objected. Damn it, how could he have said something so stupid? Of course Will's feelings were important! He was just trying to make him understand. And obviously, he was failing miserably.

At Will's questions about Chloe: whether or not she knew about what had happened to him, wanting to know if it had anything to do with why they had broken up, saying that he'd have to yell at her, he shook his head.
"No, what happened to me isn't why we broke up. I could've---I could've gotten her into a lot of trouble. It was my screw up," he responded. Not letting him get in the middle of this, he thought to himself. The last thing Chloe needed was Will going all protective older brother on her, especially when she wasn't the one who had done anything wrong.

He then smiled as he said that he had missed him too, saying that he would've gone anywhere if it meant that he'd have a chance to be with him, adding that though he hadn't really met anyone, the town had a nice small-town vibe to it.
"It really does," he agreed and then rolled his eyes when his older brother said that he didn't believe that he hadn't done anything wrong, but that it was late and that he had work in the morning, asking if he was sleeping in the guestroom or on the couch. "Guest room," he said, giving his brother a "What the heck?" look. Why on Earth would he make him sleep on the couch? Granted, it was pretty comfy as couches went, but what was the point of having a guest room if you made a person sleep on your couch?

Later that day, Jay was watching a move when Will came in, demanding to know who a cute blonde was, wanting to know she had been moping around like someone had kicked her puppy, saying that things had been fine between them until she had learned his last name and that she had run off before he got a chance to talk to her, going on to say that the both of them obviously weren't happy about whatever had happened, asking why they should both be miserable.
"That was Lieutenant Chloe Nunn and it's complicated," he replied with a sigh. Like the fact that we could both be cort-martialed if it ever got out that we had been seeing each other, he thought to himself. He had saved them both that. Okay, so they were both apparently miserable, but at least they both had their jobs, and that was the important thing.

He then fell silent as his older brother continued on, saying that she had it bad, wondering what was holding him back, telling him not to be an idiot by throwing away something amazing.
"Like I said, it's complicated," he responded. Not like we could ever truly be together, he thought to himself. And to tell the truth, that did kill him a bit. But what else could he do?