Jay knew he was taking the coward's way out by avoiding Lieutenant Nunn, but it was for the best.  Them being together was a mistake.  He had screwed up on the rescue mission because he had let himself get distracted by worrying about her.  Not to mention the fact that they could both be kicked out of the Army if upper brass got wind of what they were doing.  A clean break was best, no matter how much it hurt.  And it did hurt, but he knew that if she stopped and thought about it, she would see that this was for the best.  And this way, she would be able to find someone who was a better match for her.  Someone she didn't have to worry about getting trouble with the brass with.

He then sighed and went to check on his orders for the morning.  If they had downtime, he'd just stay in his room for most of the day as he had a feeling that things would be tense after his talk with the lieutenant.  If however, they were assigned to something, well...he'd just channel his energy into that instead.  Yeah, that was a good plan.  He just hoped that she'd see it that way.

OOC
Sorry this is short.  My inner Jay muse was fighting me on this.  (Not that I blame him)

Jay had been avoiding her ever since they had returned from Korea, and it hurt. She was having trouble sleeping, didn't want to eat, and just wanted to be with him. She just wanted him to hold her and tell her that everything was going to be ok, but it looked like she was facing this one on her own.

Those first few breaths of fresh air after being held in that dank wet enemy camp had been amazing, but when Jay would hardly look at her on the plane ride home she'd felt like she was smothering all over again. She'd spent what seemed like the entire ride dealing with an over enthusiastic young medic who kept checking on her. Halfway home Chloe had finally told her quite loudly and in no uncertain terms that she was a nurse and knew for a fact that she was ok, and if the medic didn't leave her alone she would be the one needing a nurse. Thankfully she had backed off and she had spent the rest of the ride concentrating on trying not to cry.

Jay's silence and avoidance left her wondering what had happened during those two months she'd been held captive and apparently whatever it was hadn't been good. She was lost without him, and what hurt worse than anything was the fact that he wouldn't even just talk to her. She missed him, she missed their flirty banter, she missed his friendship.

After another sleepless night Chloe had finally called in sick, she'd barely made it through the past few days and didn't think it would be safe for her or the patients if she went in today. Climbing out of bed she pulled her hair back and threw on some shorts with her t-shirt and curled into a ball on the sofa. She aimlessly flipped through the channels looking for something to watch hoping that maybe she'd fall asleep and get some rest.

A few moments later, Jay was relieved to find out that they didn't have anything pressing going on, though he frowned a bit when he heard that Lieutenant Nunn had called in sick. Hope she's not down with what I had a while back, he thought to himself, remembering when she had brought him some soup. Which, speaking of, she could probably use some. Okay, trip to the store was in order. With that, he got into his jeep SUV which was black, turned the engine over, and then headed out to the store. Once he was got to the building, he walked down the aisles until he found the soup aisle and then went to get a few cans of chicken noodle and then went to the check out line. Hate that she's sick, he thought to himself. Being sick wasn't ever fun and he had a feeling that she'd be absolutely miserable.

After he making his purchases, he walked out of the store, got into the car, and then drove to the lieutenant's place, parking in the driveway. Okay, remember, she's sick and will probably be asleep, so give her a few minutes to respond, he thought to himself as he got out of the vehicle, and headed for the front door and then knocked on it. As he waited, he looked to the vehicle. Had it for a while now and it's on its last legs, he thought to himself. He really did need a new car soon, but he still didn't have enough money for one. Should think of a different color, he thought to himself. When he had bought it, he had wanted something that would make him as invisible as possible, and yes, he could admit, it had been a self-esteem thing. There had been a part of him that had wondered if Rodiger had locked onto him because he had stood out in some way and he figured that a good way to make himself invisible to anyone else was to buy a car in a color that no one would really look at. Hence SUV and black. But maybe it was time for a different color...

Chloe had been laying on the sofa when she heard the knocking on her door. She groaned, maybe they’d go away. No… she needed to answer the door, it could be something important. Sighing she yelled, “I’m coming.” As she stood she attempted to straighten her rumpled shirt and shorts. Catching sight of herself in a mirror across the room she gave up and padded to the door. Peeking through the peephole she saw Jay standing there, and didn’t know whether to go hide or jump up and down before opening the door.

Going for something between the two she simply opened up the door before turning and walking back to the sofa grabbing her blanket and covering up again staring at the floor. “Long time no see… was beginning to wonder if you were ever going to show up.” So, she probably sounded upset… but that was ok because she WAS upset. Not that she wasn’t happy to see him, because she was but what she didn’t understand how they went from loving each other and spending so much time together to hardly speaking in a matter of no time. She didn’t think she’d done anything wrong, but he hadn’t exactly been around for her to ask.

Sighing she looked up at him, “What do you want Jay? Sorry to be blunt,” her voice cracked a bit. She reassured herself, I will not cry… I will not cry. “but let’s face it… you haven’t exactly been around… at all, so why now?” She swallowed closing her eyes and bit her tongue to keep from crying and looked at anything but him as she waited for his answer.

Chloe took a few deep breaths and turned to face him again, “I don’t really get it… wasn’t too long ago you were telling me that you’d never want me to go away… well guess what Jay… I didn’t… you did... What happened?” By this time there was no point in trying not to cry anymore, but she was going to say her piece whether Jay answered her or not was up to him. “I mean… well I don’t really even know what to think anymore, did I do something wrong?”

Jay gave Lieutenant Nunn a small smile as she said that it had been a long time since they had last scene each other and that she had begun to wonder if he would ever show up.
"Yeah it has been a while," he agreed. Damn, she looks good, he thought to himself. No! He had to stay strong here. This was for the best. He was bad news. He hadn't been thinking of that when they had started out, but now he was. He just had to keep reminding himself of this. Hopefully, she'd realize this herself. I never should've started this, he thought to himself. What had he been thinking? Had he been thinking?

He then bit his lip as she asked him why he was there, apologizing for being blunt and reminding him that he hadn't been around for a while, asking why he was showing up now.
"We need to talk," he said. And as much as he hated to do it, he needed to end things with her before he he destroyed her career or got her killed. He'd never forgive himself if either one happened. And he was pretty sure she'd never forgive him if he cost her her career. And why should she?

He then bit his lip, his eyes shining with pain as she told him that she didn't get it, reminding him of when she had told her that he wouldn't ever want her to go anywhere and that he had been the one to leave, admitting that she didn't know what to think, asking him what had happened and what she had done wrong.
"Nothing. You didn't do anything. I'm the one who did something wrong," he responded. "I wasn't thinking. I didn't think. And I nearly screwed up on that mission. I never should've started this. You're my superior officer and I'm not going to let you lose your career for my mistakes," he stated. "I was stupid and selfish to ask you to risk that," he continued, his voice breaking. This was the hardest thing he had ever had to do, but it was for the best.

A few weeks ago Chloe would have melted at the sight of his smile, but today all it did was make it hard for her to breathe. She wanted to laugh when she saw him looking at her, but knew she’d just end up crying so instead she stared at a spot on the wall across the room. She tried to keep her breathing even, not wanting to give away the fact that all she wanted to do was curl up and cry. It was a skill she’d gotten pretty good at over the past few months in that dark room in Korea, hiding her emotions and pretending like certain things didn’t bother her.

The only thing that had gotten her through those dark depressing months was now standing in her living room, but instead of being there for her like she’d imagined he would have been he’d spent the time since they’d returned avoiding her. It hurt, it was a pain she’d never experienced before and one she wouldn’t wish on her worst enemy. She couldn’t help the small sarcastic laugh that escaped her when he said they needed to talk. “Apparently we needed to talk when we first got back from Korea, might be a little late for talking now…” She cleared her throat trying to hide the fact that her voice had broken, she continued even as the tears streamed down her cheeks “but uhh… go ahead and say whatever you think needs to be said… Though I think you’ve made things pretty clear without even saying a word.”

She saw him bite his lip and she could see the pain in his eyes as she spoke, and even though she was supposed to be mad at him all she wanted to do was hold him and comfort him. Shaking her head a moment she needed to focus on the conversation, no matter how much it hurt. When Jay got to the part of his speech bringing up the part where she was his superior officer and not letting her lose her career for his mistakes she smiled sadly and when he called himself stupid and selfish for asking her to risk her career she actually laughed.

She sat forward on the sofa for a minute before standing and walking to him, “Jay… maybe this was something you should have talked to me about rather than making up your own mind about what was best for us, because I don’t remember you asking me to risk anything, I did that all on my own… and I’d do it all over again because it was so worth it. You are a bigger idiot than I thought if you think for one minute that I would ever choose my career over you. I can be a nurse anywhere… I don’t need the military. I mean I’ve enjoyed my career and wouldn’t change it for anything, but if I had to choose…” She placed a soft kiss on his lips before continuing, “I love you Jay… you’d win hands down without a doubt… every single time.” Smiling up at him sadly she almost whispered, “It really is a shame that you made your decisions without consulting me, now if you’d like to stay and have an actual conversation and discuss things like adults you’re more than welcome to come on in and have a seat… if you’ve already made up your mind and my opinion doesn’t matter… it just might be best for you to go ahead and leave now.” She closed her eyes and held her breath waiting for him to make his decision.

Jay was silent as Chloe said that they had apparently needed to talk when they had returned from North Korea and that it might be a little for talking, encouraging him to go ahead and say what he needed to even though it was pretty clear what he was going to say.
"Chloe...I..." What could he say? He was a screw up. Them being together was a mistake and they both knew it. Why couldn't she see it? What was she thinking. Was she thinking? Somehow he didn't think so. But he just didn't know what to say.

His eyes flickered as she walked over to him, suggesting that he should've talked to her before making a decision about them, saying that he hadn't asked her to risk anything, reminding him that she had made the decision on her own, and she'd do it again because it was worth it, commenting that he was a bigger idiot than she thought if he thought that she'd choose her career over him, reminding him that she could be a nurse anywhere.
"No, not it's not. You do so much good and I was the selfish jerk who asked you to risk it," he objected with a shake of his head. I need to learn to think before I do things, he thought to himself. If he had stopped to think about what he was doing before their kiss, he wouldn't have acted so foolishly.

His reverie was broken as she placed a kiss on his lips, telling him that she loved him that he'd win hands down every time, adding that it was a shame that he had made a decision without her, adding that if he wanted to stay and have an adult conversation with her, he was welcome to come in after her but if his mind was made up and her opinion didn't matter, it would be better if he left.
"I screwed up," he insisted. Oh the hell with it, he thought. "I'm scared...okay? I'm scared that I'll drive you away when it becomes too much. I'm scared that you'll find someone less damaged. Scared that I..." he trailed off. Scared that I'll lose you like I lost Allie, he thought to himself. Allie---bless her, she had tried---but she just couldn't stand the reminder of losing Ben. What if Chloe started seeing him the same way Allie had? 

Chloe tried to be as patient as she could and wait for Jay to talk to her, but patience had never been a virtue that she had possessed. When he called himself a selfish jerk and insisted that he had asked her to risk her career for him. “Jay… first off, you are about the most unselfish person I’ve ever met… it’s one of the many things I love about you. Second… you didn’t ask me to risk anything. Do you think I don’t know… or didn’t know the risks? I was fully aware of what I was doing, and made a conscious decision to be with you despite those risks. I’m happy with my decision and I’d make it again any day, however if you’re having second thoughts… I can’t ask you to do anything you’re uncomfortable with.”

She had almost forgotten how good it felt to kiss Jay, and it would have been easy to let herself get carried away but she managed to pull back to finish their conversation. When he insisted that he had screwed up she nodded in agreement, “I agree… you screwed up when you thought it would be ok to make a decision for me, and when you avoided me, and when you came over here to end things… but don’t ever call what we have… or had a mistake.”

When he admitted to being scared that he’d drive her away and she’d find someone less damaged, her heart broke and she wanted nothing more than to comfort him. Chloe had to remind herself that he may not want to be comforted so rather than pull him into a hug, she reached for his hand and tugged him towards the sofa. “So… let me get this straight. You’re scared you’ll drive me away… so you push me away instead? You’re scared I’ll leave, so you take away my choice and leave yourself? Sounds to me like you’re getting the same outcome you’re scared of, without trusting me enough to give me a chance to prove to you that I don’t want anyone else. Damaged or not, you’re it for me Jay. I… well I’ve never felt like this before, and I really wish you’d give me the chance to prove to you how much I love you, and that you can trust me not to hurt you.”

She absentmindedly traced patterns in the palm of his hand as she sat silently on the sofa trying to figure out what else she could say that might convince him not to leave without sounding like she was begging him to stay. The tears kept coming and she had long since given up on wiping them, “I just… this hurts so bad, and I’ve needed you, wanted you here… I… I need you, I love you… and I don’t want anyone else. Please…” She cut herself off because she knew she shouldn’t beg him to stay, growing silent she took a chance and looked up at him.

Jay's eyes flickered as Chloe said that he was the most selfless person she had ever met, that he hadn't asked her to risk anything, reminding him that she had known the risks of their actions and that she had chosen to be with him anyways, adding that she was happy with her decision and would make the same one over again, adding that if he was having second thoughts, she wouldn't ask him to do anything he was uncomfortable with. Maybe she was right.
"Chloe, I---" he started to say before trailing off. What could he say? She was absolutely right. "No, I'm not having second thoughts," he assured. I'm just not good enough. Not worth the risk, he thought to himself. However, he had the feeling that if he said that out loud, she'd tear him a new one. So yeah, keeping silent on that front.

He then fell silent and nodded when she agreed that he had made a mistake in making the decision to end things for her and avoided her, telling him not to call what they had had a mistake.
"Someone was bound to find out and then you would've been booted out. I couldn't do that to you," he said, the excuse sounding flimsy, even to him. "No, I know. Making a decision for you again. Sorry. That was my mindset though," he added. Hell, a part of him still believed it. But he had hurt her, which was the last thing in the world he had intended to do.

His eyes flickered again as she repeated everything she had told him, saying that it sounded like he had just gotten the outcome that he had been afraid of without giving her a chance to prove how much she loved him, adding that she didn't want anyone else, he was the one for her, damaged or not, telling him that she'd never felt the way she did before, and that she wished that he'd given her the chance to prove to him how much she loved him and that he could trust her not to hurt him. Allie thought she could handle it but she was wrong, he thought to himself. Okay, granted, he had gotten her brother killed, so it was no wonder that things had fallen apart. But he didn't want to talk about Allie as he had a feeling that Chloe wouldn't take too kindly to him mentioning his ex.
"You're right. All I can say is...I'm sorry," he said hoarsely. Damn it! Why had he been so stupid?

He watched as she cried and traced patterns in his palm, telling him that the breakup had hurt, that she needed him, and loved him, and that she didn't want anyone else.
"What if I hurt you? What if I become like him?" he asked. He knew there was a chance, however small. It was one of the reasons he had shied away from dating for a long time after Allie: he didn't want to run that chance. "I'd never forgive myself if I put you through that kind of hell," he stated. "There's a chance it could happen,. Victims sometimes become exactly like their abusers," he pointed out.

When he said her name she looked him in the eye and could see him struggling as he tried to figure out what to say. She smiled sadly as he assured her that he wasn’t having second thoughts, because even as he said it she could tell that there was something going on in that head of his. “If you’re not having second thoughts… what’s going on in that head of yours? I know you well enough to know that you’re thinking something. Talk to me… please.” When he became silent she shook her head and swallowed the lump in her throat before looking back at the floor. “I love you Jay, so much… I’d do anything for you. It’s almost as if you don’t think you deserve it…” Looking back up at him she continued, “and I would gladly spend every day for the rest of my life proving you wrong if you’d let me, please don’t push me away.”

Chloe shook her head when Jay mentioned someone finding out about them and her being booted out. “I don’t care who finds out Jay, at this point I’m ready to tell someone and if they kick me out so be it. I’d voluntarily walk away from it all if it meant I got to be with you. I’ve been through enough in the past few months that it really put into perspective what’s important to me. When I was sitting in that enemy camp I wasn’t thinking about my career, I was thinking about you. I’ve said it, but I’ll say it again… I can be a nurse anywhere whether it’s with the military or not. I’d rather be kicked out of the Navy than have to be without you.” She smiled up at him when he apologized for making the decision for her, “I get it… I do, and I appreciate the fact that you were thinking of me. I just wish you would have given me the chance to explain what I was feeling, it may have saved us both some heartache.”

She watched the emotions play out on his face, and remained silent for a bit. She thought about everything that Jay had been through, and cried even harder because of the pain and uncertainty she saw on his face. “Jay… babe, I am so sorry… I don’t know everything that’s gone on, but I do know that you can trust me… I’m not going to hurt you, and you’re not going to run me off this easy. When I say I love you… I mean it, I love you. It’s not a word I throw around lightly.” She could easily count on one hand the number of people she’d ever told that she’d loved them. When he apologized she smiled up at him and leaned a little closer enjoying the feeling of finally being close to him again. She shook her head, “You don’t need to apologize, just promise me you won’t do it again.” Chloe didn’t give him a chance to reply before she leaned in and kissed him.

Chloe snorted when he asked about hurting her and becoming like his abuser. “You wont… I know you wont. You love me right? Then let me help you through this. The fact that you’d never forgive yourself, tells me that it would never happen. I trust you, and even though there is an extremely small chance according to research… I don’t believe it, look at everything you’ve done with your life… at what you’ve made of yourself. I am so proud of you, and would love for everyone to know that you’re my boyfriend. I think even you know that has to be one of the flimsiest excuses that I’ve ever heard, so what is it that you’re scared of? Talk to me.”

She laid her head on his shoulder as she waited for his answer.

Jay bit his lip as Chloe asked him what he was thinking if he wasn't having seconds thoughts, going on to say that she knew he was thinking something because she knew him so well, asking him to talk to her. How do I explain things? I know I'm not right for her. She's my boss for one thing, and for another, she should be with somebody better. Less damaged, he thought to himself. He knew that he didn't deserve her, but for some reason, she didn't seem to get it. I don't understand. Why doesn't she see that I'm no good for her? he wondered. It didn't make sense. He was damaged, bad news. She should want someone better. When she told him that she loved him so much that she'd do anything for him, but that he was acting like he didn't believe that he deserved it and that she'd do anything she could to prove him wrong, asking him not to push her away, he sighed.
"I don't deserve it. Too damaged," he responded. And it was the truth. He just wished that he could make her understand that. Wish things could be different,he thought to himself. He wanted to be worthy of her, but he knew that he wasn't.

He then fell silent as she told him that she didn't care who found out about them, that she was ready to tell people, and that she'd gladly walk away from the job if she got booted out if it meant that they could be together, adding that she had been through a lot and that things had been put in perspective, stating that when she had been held captive in the enemy camp, she hadn't been thinking of her career but him, and that she could be a nurse anywhere, military or no, and that she'd rather be kicked out of the navy than be without him.
"Yeah?" he asked. Wow. I had no idea she loved me so much, he thought to himself. He still didn't understand why though. It didn't make any sense. But maybe it was time that he stopped questioning it. He then nodded as she thanked him for thinking of her, going on to say that she had wished that he had let her explain what she had been feeling, saying that it could've saved them a lot of heartache. "You're right," he said quietly. Why had he been so stupid?

He watched as she began crying harder, telling him that even though she didn't know everything that he had been through, he could trust her, that he could talk to her, and that he wasn't going to run her off, saying that when she told him that she loved him, she meant it, he nodded.
"I love you too," he murmured and then smiled softly as she told him that he didn't need to apologize but not to doubt them again, kissing her before he could respond. For a moment, he reciprocated and then pulled away. "I won't. That is...I won't be so stupid again," he promised.

His eyes flickered as she asked if he loved her, urging him to let her help him, saying that the fact that he'd never forgive himself for hurting her or turning into Rodiger told her that it'd never happen, saying that she didn't believe it even with the small chance that it could happen.
"How can you be so sure?" he wondered and then fell silent as she urged him to look at everything he had done and had made for himself, saying that she was proud of him and that she'd love for everyone to know that they were together, insisting that he had given her an extremely flimsy excuse, begging him to tell her what he was afraid of even as she laid her head on his shoulder. "Me. I'm not good enough. And besides, we could catch hell for this. And I've spent years just trying to be invisible, to not get noticed. This..us...it draws attention to me and that's scary as hell," he confessed.